HOW DIFFERENTLY WERE WE RAISED?

You know what is really nice? The fact that we are different beings, but we are all human.

If you are reading this, please take a seat, it might take longer than you think… and maybe a drink, get a drink.

So I haven’t blogged in a few months because of this and that but throughout that whole period, I knew what I wanted to write about, I just needed more time to observe everything around me, I wanted to “research”, I wanted to see the patterns over and over again . The patterns of our fellow brethren who mess up in life and treat people badly and hide behind the “we are not raised the same” phrase. I mean duh, of course we are not raised the same, we are not from the same tribe, we are not the same people.

It is so sad to see people who lack home training behave like victims of some sort, victims of the earth. Who does not know that PLEASE and THANK YOU are magic words that will take you far in life? Who does not know that “I am sorry” and NO can be used and your tongue won’t fall off your mouth…?

So guess what, there are people in this era who do not know when and how to use these words. Basic home training and manners. Haaaa- I’m still shocked. But then again, people aren’t raised the same. People grow over the years and experience situations that mould them into different kind of creatures. Situations that make them kind people. Situations that make them want to be better, do better. A bad upbringing can amount to bad character, but that does not make anybody less human. We are all human. we all want respect. we all want empathy. we all want a sense of belonging, but most importantly we all need love.

I know that we are different. I know that backgrounds are not the same.I know that life is hard and does not always go according to plan but let us learn the importance of humanity- not just the helping part of it but to be able to interact with people. Learn that speaking properly is not harmful. Acts of kindness make an impact. Let us learn that what may be important to the next person is not of any importance to me, but that does not mean I get to degrade them, criticise them or disrespect them. I have been told so many times that the reason people walk all over me and take advantage is because I don’t set boundaries. Fine that may be true, but also shouldn’t a normal person be able to realise that ‘ei, I’ve crossed the line’ or ‘ei what I am doing isn’t right’ or maybe our ideas of what normal should be are not the same? But no guys hence this is called basic humanity concepts, it’s mandatory. Everybody knows the saying “do unto others as you would like them to do unto you” it’s not Greek. Practice it. It is so absurd to tell adults the bare minimum that they should already know. Basic human behaviour. Practice it.

There are certain issues that shouldn’t even be raised by adults just because the other being chooses to be selfish. Stop being selfish. Stop using people. Stop victimizing yourself unnecessarily when shit hits the fan, the world does not owe you anything. Stop using hurtful words to address people. Stop taking people’s things and giving nothing back, no matter who they are to you, Stop it. You do not like it when people talk to you bad, when people do you dirty so why do it to the next person?

Sibadala. There are certain traits we need to throw away before we pass them unto our offspring. Learn to be nice. Use affirmative words. Teach yourself basic home and human training because wow, our children cannot be associated with the likes of mini-you’s without manners. And if being humble and polite is not your thing, please kindly stay away from people.

Being raised differently should not be used as an excuse to lack humanity, if you know you lack training, ask somebody to guide you. If you know somebody who lacks training, teach them❤ it’s not that difficult, trust me.

Let us learn to be better people & do better things, a society abundant in peace & respect would really go a long way.

Stop leaving your manners at home, you need them more outside.- FIONA NTEBENI

Heavy hearts need to be emptied⏳.

We all have a story to tell don’t we. How your mother died and how it broke you apart. How you repeated a grade or two and started seeing reality. How your crazy ungrateful boyfriend impregnated somebody else and broke your heart. How your bestfriend left the country and might not ever return. How robbers broke into your house and took the last that your family had. How you had to survive step monster mom’s. No money for bread and the list goes on & on.

These are Big issues, to others it may be mild but an issue remains an issue.

An Experience that has impacted your life in such a way you cannot describe, I think we all have been through that. Because quiet honestly. Nobody has a perfect life. Nobody is a perfect being. Sorry to burst your bubble but you really aren’t perfect. And that is totally okay.

I’ve heard people talk about how their past was so bad and they can’t do much to change it. I have not been in anyone’s shoes but what I know is that you, only you have the power to heal your heart, to empty it from pain and burden- by simply forgiving yourself. I don’t know if you’ve heard this before but the most important thing to do for yourself is to FORGIVE YOURSELF, for everything and anything you ever had to cross even if it was never your fault. Because with self-forgiveness, you learn that life is not rosy and it is totally okay for people you love to hurt you. If those we love didn’t hurt us. Who would? Strangers? Do you think the impact would be the same? I doubt it.

Consider talking to someone, be it a professional or not. Writing your feelings down, taking more walks to clear up your head. Participate in an activity that will help stimulate your mind, let it be occupied by positivity and watch how your heart slowly becomes at ease.

Learn to be open minded. Learn to accept that certain things happen for a reason. Learn to know that people will hurt you, and that is okay, its life, move on. Learn to know that your heart may become heavy in order for it to expand. Learn to live freely. Learn to better yourself. Learn to forgive, at your own pace that is. But over and above all: learn to empty your heart from bitterness, from anger, from pain because there is no nourishment from any of that. Be a better person, for yourself.

A heavy heart takes space for goodness, don’t let it be yours.”- Fiona Ntebeni

Relationships.

I’m pretty sure when you come across the word “relationship”, all that follows is romance. Romance romance romance! That is what we cloud relationships to be about; romance.

It’s actually more than that you know. It’s about how you engage with other people. How you build yourself as a brand and how others help you along the way.

Lately, society is all about materials, about fame, about everything that has got to do with likes. It’s such a pity because life’s deepest meanings is not found in accomplishments but in relationships. Seems farfetched right? It’s true. Relationships are one of the most important things in life. I’ve heard so many people say they rather have money and be lonely or perhaps the “money does not buy you happiness” saying. Well as an individual you choose how to look at it. Perspective. We all have different perspectives. Now imagine having your life altogether and you literally have nobody genuine to share your achievements with? What then becomes of you? Who then learns from you. Or who do you live for? -obviously you probably thinking yourself.😂okay…

-But that is not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the essence of relationships. I’m talking support systems. shoulders to cry on. Places of favours. Social needs. Comfort. Memories to keep. Moments, special moments.

I know for a fact that people can be such nuisances. And sometimes we feel so much better alone. See, “sometimes” not always. We have become so good at cutting people off instantly which I totally support.I mean if someone isn’t serving what you want, why keep them? For rainy days? No. Let them go. You will meet better people eventually because some are not meant to stay in your life for long.

When those ones finally come through, the ones that are meant to stay you will know, and then you build relationships with them. We all need that. A place where your loyalty lies. Your peace and your sanity.

You see the one that is always there for you? Not just physically available but ALWAYS there. The one who’s presence you enjoy without having to talk to? The one you know has got your back regardless of how bad shit has hit the fan? The one that keeps pushing you to be better, do better? Keep those. keep those who nurture you and nurture them back- you do not stand to lose anything.

The power of your words.

Do you ever meet someone for the first time, or actually not the first time but maybe someone that you know and by sharing a few words you realize “nope! Not. associating. myself. with. such!” ? Or the conversation does not even flow and you can’t wait to leave! It could happen for many reasons. You are not in the mood or that person does not speak your type of “language”. You feel like they don’t make sense. They use vulgar language, or you just purely don’t like the tone they using on you. Well I could go on. There is really so much that can pose as a barrier. I want to focus on WORDS.

I never really knew the power of words, until I met someone and he constantly stabbed me with the choice of words he used. Not just on me, but on everybody around him. They would cut me so deep but then I realized he is not aware of the damage that he is inflicting on me.

The only thing I was a bit more familiar with was tone, I knew good tone quiet well & I loved it. I mean who does not like a good thing! But my father would remind me of bad tone every now and then when he had to reprimand me. Just like the person who used to stab me with words, he also did not realize how much impact his tone of speech was. I dreaded ever mentioning it because well, black parents- you know the drill.

Somewhere along the lines of my life, I realized that sometimes bottling things up that do not sit well with you emotionally is nothing but self torture. Because at the end of the day you get to reminisce and somewhat dwell on what the other being said or did to you. It’s nonsense really. It’s pure nonsense that sometimes we choose to tolerate people’s toxics ways.

Communication is key, the locks have never been changed for this and they never will. I’m sure you have also had people speak to you in a manner you did not appreciate right?. Or someone using such bad tones to address a matter and you just sit there and think “but why on earth are you shouting?” “Why are you talking to me like that?” It’s only really up to us how the next person treats us, because of what we allow. I have learnt to carry peace with me because a human can only take so much.
Learn to be extremely peaceful and I assure you no one will bother your spirit, not even people we fail to put into order. Following peace, learn to give out what you want to receive, or even more. That way everybody is happy. Learn to stand your ground and not let what people say get to you. As painful as it can get at times, keeping your sanity is so essential for you. And when you are bothered, voice it out. Confront what you are feeling, confront the person that put you in that emotional position because nobody gets to talk to you like you are nothing. It’s that simple!

WORDS BREAK PEOPLE. WORDS CUT DEEP.

We need to learn how to speak to people. Period. Certain People do not get this. Certain People do not understand the kind of impact that their WORDS have on others. I am not saying that one should sugar coat statements, no. I am suggesting that we use affirmative words. Words that could build each other up. It really does not hurt when you compliment a stranger, or just be polite. You would be surprised by how someone’s day can merely be made just by being nice !

& always remember, if you have nothing good to say, rather say nothing at all.

Don’t fight it.

Have you noticed how things gradually change, or fall apart when you plan for them or when you want them to go a certain way? Or maybe not? Maybe that’s only happened to me? No ways… Ok I see you get my concept, meaning you’ve experienced this right?

Now right there is how God shows you that He is in charge. It reminds you of how He constantly says “be still & know that I am God”.

See, I am a neat child. I always have things figured out. No complications- nothing. Just a girl who knows where everything is supposed to be and that is how I grew up. I was raised to be organised, to plan. “Put everything back to where it was before you took it”, that’s what my mom would say. I’ll never forget those words. So generally, you just don’t pick things up and expect somebody else to clean up your mess, fair right?

That’s a great thing to teach a child by the way. Good mentality even; but now here comes the problem…
If I like you and you teach me something, I take it in, and make practice of it. Good things only that is and maybe along the way of such practice I over do it. Yes I over do it because I love perfection. I mean who doesn’t?

My story begins here. In 2018. Where I had to learn not to fight it. To be still, to carry on because nobody is waiting for me, not even time. I do not want to tell you how to live your life, but I would most definitely encourage you to go ahead and plan for your future honey, plan for life, go hard and dream it, be it and do it! Whatever makes you whole, but don’t you forget that it is okay to fall back, it is totally okay to experience road blocks on the way.

I had plans for my life. Plain ordinary plans : go to school, complete my diploma, get a job, make the most of my relationship (well I had one at the time), buy a house, a car, get married, have babies, & do whatever else to reach my version of “successful”. Is it even mine ? Or perhaps society … Ok no. That is not the point. The point is ; I had it all figured out, in that exact line up.My plan was to graduate at twenty-one. Meaning three years into varsity and that’s it. Well that did not happen. Which reminds me, I graduate in five months, at twenty-three instead. So there is a ray of hope in my plans after all right?

It is okay to change directions because you do not want to travel on the gravel road. However gravel roads do teach us patience but whichever way you choose, keep on moving, do not skip phases because they might come back to trouble you later.

Do not fight the process. Do not fight the way life is set up. It might not always go according to our plans, but it always keeps on moving- this is what I have learnt. This is what I have seen. It does not turn out the same for everyone nonetheless learn to accept what may come & change it into positivity. I am not where I want to be as yet, but I am on my way only because I know that tribulations are part of the journey.

This is my introduction, my first blog! ‘Whoop whoop! Keep reading, the next one might just be for you. 🙂